Often in real life and occasionally on my blog, I like to play the role of a generously blunt, honest, third-party onlooker when it comes to my friends and their relationships with other people, romantic or otherwise.
So why is it that when I find myself in a circumstance similar to the ones I hear most often about, I quite certainly will unconsciously overlook the very same advice that I have dealt to others in the past.
Such is the case now. Having acknowledged the situation, hopefully I will recognize it better in the days/weeks/months ahead. However, if anyone reads this and feels so burdened as to offer some of my own advice back to me, it may serve a very noble purpose.
If you do not wish to know what my circumstance is, you are excused from reading further.
OK so…
I met this girl, whose name will remain hidden except from the 2-3 of you that already know it. When I first saw her, I did not think anything more about her than what goes through my head every time I come across a girl in Athens. “She’s breathtaking. Too bad she probably sucks as a person.”
Well as it turns out, I was kind of forced into talking to her (long story) only to find out that she’s actually a sweetheart, quite bright, terribly cunning, and still utterly breathtaking. She has one trait, however, that I have never found in a girl. The only one I can think of that came close stole my heart away and trampled it to the ground in Colorado. This girl is complex. I don’t mean your moody, unpredictable, creative, talented complex, I mean complex like “this is the reason I have a blog” complex. She over-analyzes everything in life and how it’s going to affect her future, just like I do. She connects to the minds of people around her and tries to decipher them.
“What are they thinking? How did they feel about that?” “How do they feel about me?” “Did they understand what just happened?” “Do they understand what I just said?” “Of course they said they understood, but do they really understand?”
This girl has the same indescribable complexity that so often drives me to insanity because I feel like no one ever sees the world the way I do.
Before I start rambling I’d better get to my point. All you need to know is that this girl has a spark. I’ve recognized the spark, but a spark isn’t something you can just grab and run with. You’ll blow it out by running too fast. It must be handled delicately, precariously.
She has a boyfriend. She’s confided some things to me about the relationship that lead me to believe that she’s unhappy being in it. Maybe she feels trapped or is afraid of being single (I believe the latter, though she said she wasn’t when I asked… typical response), but for whatever reason, she is still relationed with said boyfriend.
Ugh… I hate that word. Boyfriend.
We get along terrifically, though for reasons that I cannot explain here, we literally almost never spend any time together in a social environment. Only two-and-a-half times so far, and I’ve known her for… let’s see… since August 13 makes it… almost 8 weeks to the day since I spoke to her for the first time. The first social outing was legitimate. Dinner at Chick-fil-A (LOVE me some Chick-fil-A!). The second was when I helped her move out of her old place and into a new one (her bf showed up, bleh), and the half-a-time was when I was downtown one night and she dropped by the bar we were in to say hello. Then she was gone again.
So… I want to spend some time with her, but I can’t keep asking her to do stuff while she has a boyfriend, no matter how lousy the guy may be for her. And I can’t woo a girl with my wit when we don’t spend any time together. And then there’s some politics I won’t go into here.
My conviction is that I need to convince myself that she is just another treacherously attractive, shallow, arrogant, alcoholic female from suburban Atlanta with a mouth like a sailor. Then I can cross her off the list and go back to being miserably single again. That’s all I really want. That’s my comfort zone.
